A Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating Violence Prevention

As pediatricians, we often talk about milestones: the first steps, the first words, and eventually, the first crush. But as your child enters the world of dating and new experiences, the conversations need to shift toward a different kind of safety.

Teen Dating Violence (or TDV) is a significant public health issue that affects millions of young people. It isn’t just “drama” or “growing pains”; it is a pattern of behavior used to exert power and control over a partner. This February, in honor of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we want to empower you with the facts and tools to protect your teen’s emotional well-being and foster healthy growth through their relationships with others.

The Reality of Teen Dating Violence

It can be difficult to imagine that someone your child cares about could be harmful, but the statistics of teen dating violence speak for themselves:

• 1 in 3 teens in the U.S. will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a dating partner before they become adults.
• 1 in 12 high school students report experiencing physical dating violence in the last year.
• Psychological abuse is the most common form, with nearly 65% of teens reporting experiences of verbal or emotional aggression.
• Cyber-abuse is on the rise: 1 in 3 teens face digital harassment, such as a partner demanding passwords or monitoring their location 24/7.

These experiences aren’t just temporary setbacks; they are linked to higher risks of depression, anxiety, substance use, and future unhealthy relationships in adulthood.

Recognizing the Red Flags as a Parent

Teens often mistake intensity for intimacy. They might think a partner who texts 50 times an hour is just really into them, or that jealousy is a sign of love. Unfortunately, only 33% of teens who are in abusive relationships ever tell anyone about the abuse while it is happening.

As a parent, look for these subtle shifts in your child’s behavior that might indicate intimate partner abuse:

• Isolation: Your teen stops hanging out with lifelong friends or quits extracurricular activities they used to love.
• Constant Checking In: They are constantly on their phone, appearing anxious or hurried to respond to a partner.
• Physical Marks: Unexplained bruises or scratches, often excused or otherwise cannot be explained.
• Personality Changes: A once-confident teen becomes quiet, apologetic, or prone to sudden mood swings.
• They’re Walking on Eggshells: They seem preoccupied with their partner’s temper or making sure they don’t get “in trouble” with them.

How to Talk to Your Teen About Dating Violence

Communication with a teenager can feel like navigating a minefield, especially regarding their private lives, and it’s important to broach these topics regardless of your teen’s relationship status. Here are some ways to talk to your teen about these issues without overstepping:

1. Start Early and Use Teachable Moments

You don’t need to prepare a lecture out of the gate. Use a scene from a movie, a song lyric, or a news story to ask, “What do you think about how that person treated their partner?” This keeps the focus off your teen’s personal life initially, making them more likely to share their values.

2. Embrace the Awkwardness

It’s okay to say, “I know this is awkward to talk about, but I care about you so much that I’m willing to be uncomfortable.” Acknowledging the friction can actually lower their defenses.

3. Focus on Green Flags

Instead of just listing what’s wrong, define what’s right. Lead by example in your relationship with them as a parent, and in your own romantic relationships, too.

Take ample opportunity to remind them that real love = respect:

• “A good partner wants you to see your friends.”
• “You should always feel in control of your body and your choices.”
• “A partner should be your biggest cheerleader, not your biggest critic.”

4. Listen More, Lecture Less

If your teen does open up, listen. If you react with immediate anger toward their partner, your teen may feel the need to defend them and excuse their partner’s behavior, feel ashamed of themselves, or hide future incidents.

Instead, validate them and reaffirm your support: “I believe you,” “I love you no matter what,” and “It’s not your fault.”

If You Suspect Abuse: The Next Steps

If you believe your child is a victim of teen dating violence, your goal is to be a steady anchor they can depend on.

• Create a Safety Plan: If they are planning to break up, help them do it safely (usually in a public place or over the phone) and ensure they aren’t walking home alone.
• Consult Your Pediatrician: We are a safe, confidential resource. We can provide a routine mental health screening and offer a “neutral” adult perspective to your child that teens often find easier to hear.
• Use Professional Resources:
  • Love is Respect: Text “LOVEIS” to 22522 or call 1-866-331-9474.
  • The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-799-7233

Raleigh Pediatrics is Here to Help

At Raleigh Pediatrics, your teen’s emotional health is just as important as their physical health. By modeling healthy boundaries and keeping the lines of communication open, you are giving them the blueprint for a lifetime of healthy relationships.